Modern Family is the most functional, dysfunctional family on television today. Moon Landing opens within the Dunphy household as we find out (to Phil’s dismay) that Hayley has thrown Dylan to the curb, while Claire is getting ready to meet Valerie, an old work friend.
Mitchell visits Gloria to lend his masterful hand in legal advice, while his partner Cameron is picking up Jay for a racquetball matchup for the ages. Both are excited for the game as Cameron exuberantly boasts, “Jay and I have been trying for months to get together to bang the old hollow rubber ball around.” As Jay almost in response claims, “I have been avoiding this day like the plague.”
Phil stumbles across his park bench ad, where he finds graffiti over his lip in the form of a mustache. Meanwhile, Jay and Cameron bond in the gym locker room with a pregame “moon landing,” which of course is the coming together of one bare butt to another. (written by Chris Pavone)
Hayley who is still feuding with Dylan – finds her father testing the waters with the mustache look. Phil is easily swayed as he gets a vote of confidence from a fellow mustacher – a hardhat toting public service worker that appears more like a member of the village people. Phil is easily swayed.
Things start out well as Claire and Valerie catch up, until Claire quickly realizes that Valerie is not jealous of her differing, childbearing lifestyle. Valerie had in fact inherited a great job that surely would have been Claire’s, had she not left to build a family. In the meantime, at the scene of the crime Gloria gives Mitchell a run through of her accident, but after Gloria leaves, Manny covertly spills the beans to his mom’s terrible driving – the accident was her fault.
Jay gets manhandled by Cameron on the racquetball court, claiming he was distracted by their “butt bump” earlier and demands a rematch. Mitchell, who called his father asking about Gloria’s driving, soon realizes that it wasn’t his legal help Jay sought out, it was in reality an opportunity for Gloria to learn how bad her driving was from someone other than her wonderful husband.
Claire swiftly grows more jealous of Valerie as she finds out that her old friend has lovers (emphasis on the plural) in Paris, New York, Miami, and San Francisco. Their lunch culminates with a dagger of a phone call, as Valerie learns she has landed an international super position.
Meanwhile, back at the Dunphy residence we find what can only be illustrated as mayhem. Phil gets trapped in a port-o-john in his own driveway at the hands of Dylan’s car, while Dylan himself attempts to win back Hayley. Luke, in an endeavor to recycle, sits at the dining room table in his underwear with a surplus of bottles of alcohol, while Alex chases a rat around the house with a broom. Claire takes “the high road” as she shows up in a final desperate attempt to make Valerie jealous. As it turns out, her wonderful home is in shambles and to no surprise, Valerie is probably thankful for her variety of lovers right about now.
Gloria and Mitchell try to piece together the accident report, but not before Mitchell infers the slim possibility that Gloria’s driving is not up to par. She storms out of the café leaving Mitchell and Manny behind. Speaking of behinds, at the gym Jay brags about his big rematch win in the locker room. Without looking he vengefully moon lands a stranger repeatedly, whom he has mistaken for Cameron. When Cameron peeks his head out of the sauna, Jay runs frightfully out of the locker room.
Gloria returns to the café, apologetic to Mitchell and Manny. She asks to have Mitchell back as her lawyer, admitting she was wrong. She learns her lesson, only the lesson didn’t include how to be a better driver – as they walk out of the café to discover her smoking car on the sidewalk, implanted in the wall.
Claire, who had stormed out of the house earlier in embarrassment, returned to find her family eating dinner as normal as a family could be. She settled into the table and joined them, almost as if everyone had forgotten the events that transpired earlier.
Written by Chris Pavone