After a “previously” snippet showing clips from last episode, we get to this week’s actual one. Farah films John-Paul in their apartment, and he wipes his face with his dirty socks, and she tells him that’s vile. Then the show jumps to them in the “One Life to Live” dressing room together, along with fellow “One Life” actor Josh Kelly, who plays Cutter Wentworth. Farah tells Josh that John-Paul needs new socks and underwear, and then she goes into more detail about John-Paul’s dressing habits when it comes to his undergarments. He likes to go commando, and one time, when they were out waiting for a flight, Farah saw his penis hanging out and lying on a table through his clothes. Farah and John-Paul laugh as she tells the story, and then John-Paul says it’s time to run lines.
Opening credits roll… and then more show!
At Farah and John-Paul’s apartment, John-Paul chastises her for spending too much on a new pillow, as well as other stuff she’s spent money on. Farah says she bought the pillow to impress his mother Bambi, who’s coming over to visit. Farah and John-Paul are going to a “One Life” fan event, and Farah says it’s going to be her last one. Farah voice over’s on the couch with John-Paul that Bambi’s been mean to her in the past and doesn’t know why Bambi’s coming to visit them just now. John-Paul tells her in the apartment that he breast fed until he was seven, and she’s weirded out.
In Los Angeles, Kirsten buys ice cream with her brother Austin. She voice over’s that he’s a year older than she is, and growing up, his friends had crushes on her. He’s leaving soon for flight school and will be gone for a year, and he’s the only member of her family she talks to. Kirsten says she had an argument with her mother when she was younger, and that her mother kicked her out of the house. Austin is Kirsten’s support network now.
Austin has a baby with a woman named Tiffani, who has another child, Lyric, from a previous relationship with a guy from the band O-Town. When Austin leaves, Tiffani will need Kirsten’s moral support because he’ll be gone. Kirsten jokes to Austin that she’ll play baby daddy while he’s away and says she’ll miss him.
At Brandon and Nadia’s house, her family’s over, and they’re cooking together in the kitchen. Fary, Nadia’s mother, says, “If you’re a good cook, you’re a good lover.” People laugh, and Nadia says that’s TMI. Brandon compliments Fary on her cooking, and Fary says he started eating before everyone else did, implying that he was impolite in doing so. Brandon voice over’s that Fary’s one tough mother. Well… not in those exact words, but that’s what he meant: that she’s a mother who’s hard on him.
Mike, a neighbor, randomly comes into the house, which is weird and seems forced, in my opinion. But anyway, Mike is over, and he sits down at the table next to Nadia. Fary says Mike and Nadia would be a good match in front of everyone in the kitchen, and Brandon is pissed.
In New York, Bambi comes over to John-Paul and Farah’s apartment. Farah tells Bambi, “I bought pillows,” but Bambi brought her own pillows, and a cooler with milk. Farah voice over’s that it’s weird for Bambi to bring her own milk. Farah has milk in the apartment already anyway.
In L.A., Kelly is at a pool with friends. One of them, Lena, says she saw Mike recently, and he was drunk. Kelly tells her he hasn’t accepted his demons and changed for the worse over time while they were together. She voice over’s that it’s hard to let him go. She says, at the pool to her friends, that she had to love him enough to let him go, and she had to love herself to let him go as well.
At the Gerings’ house, Jenna is inside with the boys when Galen comes in. She says she’s leaving for four or five hours to go to the spa, which means Galen will watch the boys. Jenna voice over’s that this is the first time Galen will be alone with them for more than an hour-and-a-half. And I’m stunned because those boys are kinda old. That’s a loooong time for him to have never been alone with them for a long period. She could be joking, but if she’s not… damn! Or maybe I’m just confused about how parenting in a nuclear family works.
Jenna leaves, and Galen is alone with Dillon, the oldest son, and Jensen. Dillon kicks Jensen, and Galen takes Dillon upstairs to his room and tells him to stay in there as punishment. When Galen comes downstairs, Jensen has locked himself in another room and doesn’t know how to open the door from the inside.
In New York at Farah and John-Paul’s apartment, Farah repeats that she’s going to a fan event soon along with John-Paul. Bambi’s coming too, which will “be interesting,” Farah says.
Bambi barks orders at John-Paul for what he should bring and wear at the fan event, and Farah voice over’s that Bambi’s overbearing. Bambi tells John-Paul to wear pajamas to the event instead of pants, and she’s serious. Farah tells the audience via voice over the story behind this: John-Paul is insecure about how attractive he is, so he purposely dresses down, and Bambi encourages it. Farah tells John-Paul that he should wear pants to the event, and he relents. He and Bambi pick out pants together in the closet, and he says he’ll wear a pair of jeans that Farah hates.
In L.A. Kirsten and Kelly put on make-up and Kirsten says they should teach make-up classes. Kelly jokes that it could be called how to look overdone in five minutes, and then she notices that Kirsten’s stressed about Austin leaving. Kelly voice over’s that Kirsten’s handling it well and could be doing much worse.
At the Gerings’, Galen still can’t open the door to the room Jensen locked himself in. Galen goes outside the house to get into the room from out there, and while he’s gone, Dillon leaves his room to come downstairs. Outside, Galen gets on a ladder and climbs up to a glass door on a balcony. Apparently the room Jensen locked himself inside of is either really large or is a gateway room or chamber or something to another section of the house, because when Galen was inside, he was downstairs, but when he goes outside, he climbs to a higher story. But anyhow, Galen tries to push the glass open and isn’t having much luck. The show cuts to Jenna, who’s relaxing at the spa, then it goes back to Galen pushing on the glass door at their house. Galen eventually succeeds and opens the door.
At Nadia and Brandon’s, Fary and Nadia are alone. Fary tells Nadia that Nadia has bad taste in men. Nadia tells Fary that Fary should date, and I’m assuming she’s implying that, if Fary had her own love life, she’d stay out of Nadia’s. Fary says she doesn’t want to date because she’s still in love with Nadia’s father, who’s dead. Fary says she doesn’t like Brandon and that he doesn’t treat Nadia right. Fary gives an example of the mistreatment: Brandon hasn’t bought Nadia one flower since they’ve been together. Brandon’s excuse? Flowers are expensive and they just die after a few days anyway. Nadia’s has this “whatever” look on her face as Fary says this. Fary tells Nadia she’ll kill her herself if she marries Brandon. Nadia says arguing with Fary is useless, and Fary calls herself an honest bitch and then kisses Nadia affectionately.
In New York at the fan event, Ilene Kristen, who plays Roxy Balsom on “One Life,” introduces Farah to the crowd. Farah voice over’s that soaps are a big part of her life because she grew up on them. She signs autographs at a table with John-Paul doing the same sitting next to her. She meets Bianca, her number one fan. Bianca travels around the country to different fan events to see Farah, and Bianca voice over’s that she’s been following Farah, “ever since I was 11.”
Bambi comes to the table and tells fans she’s John-Paul’s mom, and then she starts signing autographs at the table like she’s a celebrity herself. Farah voice over’s that Bambi’s jealous of her, and that John-Paul condones too much of Bambi’s bizarre behavior. Bambi tells fans John-Paul stories at the table.
At the Gerings’, Jenna comes back home and jokes, “You’re alive!” before she asks how things went. Galen is vague and doesn’t tell her what REALLY happened,.
At Nadia and Brandon’s, Nadia is studying her movie script while Brandon is with her. Nadia tells him about the conversation she had with Fary, and that Fary talked smack about him. Brandon says he doesn’t care what Fary says because he makes Nadia happy. Nadia tells him her family is completely different from his, and that her folks are old school. Her mother’s Persian, and Brandon would have to be as perfect as Jesus to win her approval. Nadia tells Brandon to kill Fary with kindness.
At Kirsten’s penthouse, Tiffani makes dinner with Kirsten. Kirsten teases Tiffani about losing weight, and Tiffani sasses back that she can’t wait for Kirsten to have kids so she knows what it’s like to have to lose the weight that comes from having kids. Kirsten says the closest she’s come to having kids is when her character on “General Hospital” faked a miscarriage by throwing herself down the stairs, or something like that. Kirsten doesn’t know much about babies but will try to help Tiffani raise Lyric without Austin around.
Austin comes over and eats dinner with them, and Lyric is there. They’re all bummed that Austin is leaving, but he says he’ll only be gone a year. Austin tells Lyric he has to be the man of house when he’s gone, and Lyric says he’s going to buy Tiffani bras and shirts. Tiffani tells Lyric that just the shirts would be enough.
At the Gerings’, Galen brings Jenna her favorite cake in the Jacuzzi (or is it just a small pool?) behind the house, and he’s happy for the food. Galen tells her what really happened when she was at the spa, and she’s stunned. Galen tells her she’s a great mom for raising the boys, and they kiss. I’m happy that the show is emphasizing some more positive aspects to Jenna’s personality and life instead of just casting her as an insecure housewife for the whole season without any other traits or story arcs, because I totally thought that’s where they were going with her.
At Kelly’s, she’s having a get-together with her friends. Kelly says she’s made out with more men on-camera than in real-life because she’s been in a relationship with the same man for several years. One of Kelly’s friends tells her she should start dating, and Kelly says she’s had one boyfriend her whole life and doesn’t know how to date. Kelly says they should play a game: her friends will write down the names of men on pieces of paper and put the pieces in a basket, and Kelly will try to date each of the men. The game starts, and Kelly reads names. Celebrity names come up like Ryan Gosling, John Mayer, and James Franco. The name Kevin Connelly (or is that Conolly?) comes up, and Kelly says he’s one of her best friends.
In New York at Farah and John-Paul’s, Bambi tells John-Paul she’s sad he’s leaving for L.A. John-Paul says he’ll use frequent flyer miles to see Bambi. Bambi tells him she’s worried that Farah’s pressuring him into getting married when he’s not ready for marriage.
In L.A. at Austin’s place, he’s getting ready to leave and it gets emotional. Lyric goes upstairs because he’s upset, and Tiffani goes to comfort him. Lyric tells her he doesn’t want Austin to leave. Kirsten voice over’s that Kennedy, Austin’s baby daughter, is going to miss him when he’s gone. They go outside and cry as Austin drives off, and he cries too. Kirsten voice over’s that she’ll have to be strong with him gone.
Kirsten, Tiffani, and Lyric go to Color Me Mine, which is a place where you paint things you buy. Kirsten says they’ll paint something to send to Austin. They talk while they paint, and Tiffani says it’s scary to have two babies and no Austin. The camera shows a bowl one of them painted with the words, “We Love You” painted on it.
Brandon brings Fary flowers at a restaurant. Fary asks him if he bought them, and he says he did. She wonders why he waited years to buy flowers, and for HER and not Nadia. Fary tells him he’s immature and arrogant and he replies that she should get to know him better. I think she’s being incredibly rude and unnecessarily confrontational to him. Anyway, Fary says that there are lots of nice gentlemen out there, and she wishes that Nadia was with one of THOSE guys. Brandon has no class and he’ll never make a good husband. Either this conversation is staged or there’s more going on in Brandon and Nadia’s relationship that the show hasn’t revealed to the audience yet. Otherwise, I can’t think of any reason for Fary to talk to him like this unprovoked.