Justin Bieber’s Toxicology Report Shows Weed and Xanax in System

By on January 30, 2014

All that Justin Bieber has been trying to do in his career, aside from making terrible music which he is succeeding at, is to try and convince the world that he is a total bad-ass, and Bieber’s toxicology report may help.

'justin bieber mug shot'

Bieber, who was arrested last week for a DUI, tested positive for marijuana and Xanax. According to Bieber’s preliminarily toxicology report, which was obtained and published by TMZ, Bieber had THC (asks the kid who always skips class and has never washed his beanie what that is) and Alprazolam (asks your mom what that is).

Bieber also tested positive for cocaine, meth, opiates, other prescription drugs, and a strong eagerness to hangout with Dr. Drew on Celebrity Rehab.

Bieber has pleaded not guilty to the DUI charges, and is set to be arraigned on February 14th, which might coincided with the Valentine’s day dates he promised millions of preteen girls. No intelligent member from Bieber’s “posse” has commented on Bieber’s toxicology report results, but I am being told no intelligent member exists.

What do you think of Bieber’s toxicology report?

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