HaveUHeard

Did you think Colton was going to jump the fence this week, rose lovers? That’s certainly what Team Bachelor wanted us to believe. What this episode lacked in fence-jumping, however, it made up for in back-stabbing and smack-talk. Let’s kick things off with… #SadCam!

Yes, our Bachelor is still processing all the red flags we saw last week – Demi, Katie, and Sydney all told him that “there’s somebody or some people here that aren’t ready for this.” Armed with this knowledge, Colton is entering the week with a newfound determination to root out the Wrong Reasons™ Brigade. Pack your bags, “ladies”! The next stop on this “journey” is Colton’s hometown of Denver.

But first… filler.

Who better to give Colton advice about how to navigate this rocky ocean we call “love” than failed Bachelor Ben Higgins? Unfortunately, his advice is not “Just say ‘I love you’ to both women in your Final Two and then pray for the best.” Instead, Ben gives Colton these words of wisdom: “Lean in, be intentional.”

With that, Colton and his pup Sniper head to a local park to meet the “ladies” — and it looks like Hannah B. just returned from a Paula Abdul music video audition from 1988.

The first one-on-one goes to… Tayshia! This could be interesting, seeing as Tayshia seemed very ready to answer all of the Bachelor’s questions about the suspicious women in the bunch. “Today, I will tell him what I think,” she says. “I think he deserves to know.”

But first… they eat! After a somewhat stomach-churning combination of oysters, white wine, and ice cream, Tayshia and Colton sit down for some bubbly rosé and serious talk. “I am not questioning your readiness [for marriage],” Colton assures her. “So I just wanted to hear from you about what you’ve seen or what you’ve heard.” Yeah, Tayshia — Spill. That. Tea!

Before she can, Team Bachelor cuts to these two.

“It’s just infuriating that these women would just drop these bombs on him as he leaves,” sighs Caelynn. “We’re fine… We know that it’s not us.” But do we know it, rose lovers? Or is this quick cutaway Team Bachelor’s way of tipping us off to who the Mystery Women are? Let’s return to Colton and Tayshia’s date, already in progress…

“I’ve heard some disheartening conversations that have taken place in the house. Unfortunately, some girls aren’t necessarily in this for possibly the right reasons, and I’m not telling you because I don’t want to tattle-tale, but I just think that you should know. I feel like Cassie and Caelynn aren’t genuine, and I believe that’s who Katie was referring to, and Sydney, and Demi. They’re already talking about, you know, being the next Bachelorette and they also have said that they don’t think they’re going to be ready to get engaged at the end of this… They’re interested in what parties they’re going to hit after this and the people that they’re gonna get to know and where they’re gonna go.”

Somebody call the FBI — Tayshia just assassinated Caelynn and Cassie’s character.

“That really sucks,” replies Colton. “I’m not gonna lie.” With all of his worst fears realized, the Bachelor and Tayshia leave the restaurant, but not before the producers throw one last bit of shade.

Look, other stuff happens on this date, but the only thing that matters is this: Tayshia gets a rose and by extension a hometown date. “Tayshia’s someone who I can see at the end of this,” gushes Colton. (Next: Colton grills Caelynn)