Meghan Markle opened up about contemplating suicidal ideation during her time as a working royal, telling audiences in episode four of the couple’s Netflix series that she believed “all of this will stop if I’m not here.”
“And that was the scariest thing about it ― it was such clear thinking,” the Duchess of Sussex said in the episode, which was released Thursday.
“I remember her telling me that,” Meghan’s mother, Doria Ragland, added. “That she wanted to take her own life. And that really broke my heart. Because I knew ― well I knew that it was bad. But to just constantly be picked at by these vultures ― just picking away at her spirit ― that she would actually think of not wanting to be here.
“That’s not an easy one for a mom to hear,” Ragland said, getting emotional and beginning to cry. “And I can’t protect her. H can’t protect her.”
Harry said that he was “devastated” for his wife as he “knew that she was struggling,” but didn’t think things “would get to that stage.”
“The fact that it got to that stage I felt angry and ashamed,” the Duke of Sussex said, adding that he “didn’t deal with it particularly well.”
“I dealt with institutional Harry, as opposed to husband Harry. And what took over my feelings, was my royal role,” he said. “I had been trained to worry more about what are people gonna think if we don’t go to this event. ‘We’re gonna be late.’”
“Looking back on it now, I hate myself for it,” he said. ”What she needed from me was so much more than I was able to give.”
Meghan said she wanted to go somewhere to get help, but she “wasn’t allowed to.”
“They were concerned about how that would look for the institution,” the former “Suits” actor revealed.
“They knew how bad it was,” Harry explained. “They thought, ‘Why couldn’t she just deal with it?’ As if to say, ‘Well, you know, everybody else has dealt with it, why can’t she deal with it?’ But this was different ― it was really different.”
“But actually if you strip all that away, and say, OK, fine, it was exactly the same, so do we still believe that she should have just sucked it up like other members of the family?” Harry questioned. “Or does one think that maybe it’s about time that we stopped?”
Harry said that at that time “no one would have private conversation with the editors saying ‘Enough.’”
“My dad said to me, ‘Darling boy, you can’t take on the media. The media will always be the media,’” he said. “I said I fundamentally disagree.”
The Duchess of Sussex previously admitted she experienced suicidal ideation during the couple’s 2021 interview with Oprah.
“You were having suicidal thoughts?” Oprah asked the duchess at the time.
“Yes. It was very clear and very scary,” Meghan replied. “I just didn’t see a solution.”
“Look, I was really ashamed to have to say it at the time and ashamed to have to admit it to Harry especially, because I know how much loss he’s suffered,” she revealed. “But I knew that if I didn’t say that I would do it … and I just didn’t ― I just didn’t want to be alive anymore. And that was a very clear and real and frightening constant thought.”
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