Drew Barrymore opened up about the most “confusing” part of her 2016 divorce from art consultant Will Kopelman, telling People magazine “there was no scandal” that led to their split.

“Nothing went wrong, which is cleaner, but makes it harder and more confusing because there isn’t The Thing to point to,” the actor said in the article, published on Tuesday. “We tried so hard to make it work. [A friend] said to me, ‘Divorce is the death of a dream.’ That’s exactly what it feels like, something so final you can’t get it back.”

Barrymore shared that the years after her third divorce were “cripplingly difficult” for her, and that she felt “broken.” The actor was previously married to club owner Jeremy Thomas and comedian Tom Green.

She told People she began “trying to numb the pain and feel good” and soon found a release in alcohol, which she’d struggled with when she was younger. She has since quit once again.

After what she calls her “messy, painful, excruciating walk through the fire and come back to life kind of trajectory,” Barrymore remains focused on her two daughters and her TV show.

“The cool thing is all these years later, we do have the dream. It’s just different than the one I swore would be the case,” she said.

The “E.T.” actor is also dipping her toe back into the dating pool, though she revealed earlier this year that she’s stayed focused on celibacy since her 2016 split.

“Some people can get out of a marriage or relationship and in the near future find themselves in another relationship,” Barrymore wrote in a blog post in October. “There is nothing wrong with that! Not one bit. I do not judge! I celebrate their journey! Because for some people that really works. It didn’t work for me.”

Need help with substance use disorder or mental health issues? In the U.S., call 800-662-HELP (4357) for the SAMHSA National Helpline.